Week 11 Question 1: Breaking Cultural Habits, Beliefs, and Impossibilities

I do agree with anthropologist Ruth Benedict in that we are products of our culture; we inherit the habits, beliefs, and ways of living from the culture that we grew up in. I am Vietnamese, I was born in Vietnam and grew up in a Vietnamese household. My whole life ever since I left for college, I've been eating Vietnamese food and only learned how to cook Vietnamese food. So when I came to college and had my own kitchen, I only cooked Vietnamese food. My cooking habits was shown when I left my home and was independent from my family. I also saw other people's cultural cooking habits as I began to meet new people from around the world. I agree with Ruth Benedict that the impossibilities shaped by our culture are also attached to our lives. But I also feel that we can break through the limits of our culture simply by doing so. For an example, I brought with me to college the habit of cooking food the Vietnamese way until I met my boyfriend who is Caucasian. He taught me new ways of cooking food and ever since then, I broke through my habits and made my own style of cooking.

Ruth Benedict mentions that we also inherited our parents beliefs. One belief that I inherited from my parents is Buddhism. I grew up being a Buddhism, praying to Buddha, and participating in traditional cultural Vietnamese practices. So when I left my parents house, I was still looking at Buddha as my God and believed on the teachings of Buddhism. As I branched out, met my boyfriend, I was introduced to the teachings of Christ. I was intrigued and moved by his teachings and since then I broke my habits of believing in Buddhism. Of course, I can never truly turn against Buddhism because it was there for me when I grew up and it helped me through troubles. I will always have respect for my old cultural habits but I am not bound to it anymore.

Signing out,
Events Dreamer

Week 8 Question 3: Adaptorrs

From this week's reading on Encoding Messages: Nonverbal communication, I learned to become more aware of my nonverbal messages and to ensure that I am sending the right message across. Though it is very difficult to be completely aware of all nonverbal communication, I must try to control at least some; like my eye contact, my physical gestures and body movement.

One concept that I found most intriguing is the unconscious state of mind and what we do when we are stressed. Trenholm wrote about how adaptors are behaviors that people use to adapt to stresses and satisfy personal needs. If we learn how to analyze and interpret adaptors, we are given access to a good source of information about other people's emotions. But I believe that it is difficult to get an accurate interpretation about someone's emotions even if we are familiar with certain adaptors. For an example, Trenholm wrote that some adaptors are behaviors that satisfy immediate needs such as scratching and other adaptors helps us deals with stress. I find it interesting that you can gain access into why someone maybe cracking their fingers or chewing on their lip all the time, like me.

When I am stressed out, I tend to chew on my lip or almost all the time, I crack my fingers repeatedly. I am almost unaware that I am cracking my fingers, I just do it while I am thinking or reflecting about something. One time, my class mate had to tell me to stop because I was doing it nonstop and she was wondering if I was in a conscious state of mind. It was like I was day dreaming, but I was really thinking hard on the work that I have to do that day. I am one of those people that use self-adaptors. I touch my neck and play with my hair all the time in class when I don’t want to pay attention anymore and I just want to go off in my own world. It is not necessarily the fact that I am stress but more tired of concentrating so I am taking a break. Playing with my hair is kind of like a mindless thing to do. Sometimes, I touch my neck, rub myself when I am stressed out. As a matter of fact, I am stressed out right now and I found myself rubbing my back. This is really interesting to learn about because now I am more aware and conscious of my actions.

Signing out,
Evens Dreamer

Week 8 Question 2: Different meanings to Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal messages are both universal and cultural. They are universal in some areas but in others, they are culturally difference. I have encounter several cultural differences between America and Vietnam. I was born in Vietnam, lived there for 5 years and then moved to America when I was around 5 or 6.

I grew up America and picked up some of the nonverbal communication that teenagers learn to have with one another. An example of what I always do with my friends is hug. Everywhere I go, I hug people I know. Hugging is a form of greeting that leaves a nice and friendly feeling behind. In high school, I hug all of my friends when I first see them and I carried it on into college. When I was a Freshmen in college, I took a trip to Vietnam. At this age, I was a very touchy person; this was my love language. I touch because I want to connect with them physically. I touch when I want to make a point and I want them to understand me, and I hug during greetings. I find that in Vietnam, most people/adults do not like to hug. I tried hugging my aunts and older cousins and was left feeling awkward. It was just weird. It seemed like they do not want to be touched. Maybe teenagers in America hug because they want to feel closer to their friends. But the older generations, like business men, only shake hands and rarely ever get closer than that. I wonder if because people are feeling reserved and unsure of themselves. I know that in Vietnam, people hug only when they are super close with each other, but never on a first meeting basis. Maybe it was because my cousins did not really know me to hug me so they did not use that kind of nonverbal communication. I guess for me, hug and touch is a constant nonverbal communication and others do not share the same ideas.

Signing out,
Events Dreamer

Week 8 Question 1: Dangerous Assumption

Nonverbal communication can be very difficult to read and interpret especially when each individual is unique in their own ways. Nonverbal communication is both universal and cultural therefore when interpreting a person's act, we all must be mindful and careful; they are open to misinterpretation.

I will admit that I have been wrong about the meaning of someone's nonverbal message before. Actually I've been wrong a lot of times. I always assume that just because a guy and a girl is hanging out, hitting each other, and making eye contact, it means that they like each other. Sometimes they do like each other and sometimes they are really good friends with one another. Another example would be the time when I misinterpreted my boyfriends act of kindness for acts of flirting. I am not much of a jealous girl but I sometimes identified him being nice as him gesturing some kind of flirtatious moves towards another girl. But now that I've known him for a quite a long time, I don't feel that way anymore because I've been able to study his nonverbal communication and now I am able to interpret his actions with little errors.

To increase accuracy with our interpretation, we must do at least three things. First we must check the context of his nonverbal communication. For an example, if my boyfriend is being nice to a girl, I need to find out why and what was the circumstances to be able to interpret his acts of kindness. In this specific situation, the girl was having trouble with her family and it is affecting her schoolwork. So he decided to help her understand the lectures. Second, we must compare the behavior to baseline behavior. For an example, I have to make sure that kindness is a virtue in my boyfriend's personality. If it is, then he is just a nice person and he doesn't mean to send any messages of being flirtatious to the girl. But if he is not usually a nice person and then all the sudden he is nice to this girl, then we might have a problem. Because I have been with my boyfriend for a long, long time, I can see that he is a natural benevolent person and is always lending helping hand to others. Third, we must check our understanding by asking for verbal feedback. I always ask my boyfriend what his behavior means and if I am interpreting his actions correctly. If I am wrong or correct, either way it improves our communication and thus strengthen our relationship.

Other ways of improving accuracy of nonverbal communication is to get to know the person better find out why they do certain things. Sometimes there are nonverbal communication that are intentional and some that are unintentional; we must be able to distinguish between the two to be able to correctly interpret nonverbal communication.

Signing out,
Events Dreamer

Week 7 Question 3: Learning how to listen

This week's reading was very insightful into the way that I listen to others. I have always considered myself to be a very good listener because I pay attention to details and I ask a lot of questions. But being a good listener entails much more than that. In Chapter 3, Sarah Trenholm talks about the cognitive schemata that helps us identify and organize incoming information. There are three types of schemata; person prototypes, personal constructs, and scripts. Upon reading these schemata, I can apply it to myself and evaluate how I am as a listener and how attentive I can be. The schema that really applied to me is the scripts. The person prototypes and the personal constructs are schemata used to process information about other people. But the scripts schema helps us interpret the sequence of actions. Trenholm wrote that a script tells us what comes next in a sequence of actions. For an example; if we experience a situation repeatedly, we can identify the order that it's going to happen when it does happen again.

What I find really interesting within the script schema is the schematic default options. A good example is an everyday greeting of , "Hello, how are you?" and you would expect the person to say, "Oh, I'm fine thank you." Since it is so scripted and you've gone through that experience many times, it s usual for you to assume what's going to happen next. You end up being confident in yourself. But when the other person replies, "No, I'm doing terrible." Sometimes you won't even notice that they said that because you are stuck to your script. Then when you do notice that they are not doing well, you are thrown off and feel uncomfortable because you haven't encounter this situation. I notice that in everyday life, I do this all the time. I greet people with the same words again and again and nothing changes. I have noticed this before as I started to go over the script repeatedly. With recognition I was able to step away from the script and listen beyond it. Script can be good in situations like an interview. You are well prepared and confident to answer the expected questions. This will help you achieve your career. But scripts can have its downfall. If we rely too heavily on a script, we may see or hear what we expect rather than what actually occurs. This is so true in many occasions of greetings. I expect the, "I'm fine," that I don't even pay attention to what they are trying send. I really enjoyed chapter 3 because it helps me to be a better listener than I was before. I am also going to put effort in improving my interpretation. Interpreting the message correctly can help improve relationships and also help you understand what the speaker is really trying to send.

Week 7 Question 2: Men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus

According to Sarah Trenholm, "throughout their lives, men and women learn to varying degrees, how to use language to display stereotypical gender identities." With this sentence, I believe that society and the media have publicize how men and women should act according to their gender roles. I am a female, therefore my gender identity that I've been taught to have is to be quiet, reserved, and respectful. With my brother, he's been taught to be an opinionated person who should have an opinion about everything because he should be educated enough to speak on any topic. My brother was also taught to deal with problems in an authoritative way. So because of how we are taught to be by our parents and by the media, we tend to tap into our stereotypical gender identities. I've noticed in junior high, boys will act out their superiority and toughness in school among each other after a night of watching the WWF, a wrestling television show. Also, in a Vietnamese tradition, the woman is the servant who cooks, clean, and takes care of the children, while the man is out doing hard work. So when he comes home, he uses that superior language to tell her what to do , while she uses the respectful and submissive language. In these situations is when men and women have different languages.

I do thing so some degree agree that men and women use language differently but it all depends on certain situations. For an example, in personal relationships, men and women use language differently. But in the professional and business world, men and women use the same professional language. I believe the types of language we use depend on the type of characteristic and role we put on. Meaning, everybody have different personalities that they put on for different situations and people. We have a professional and formal personality when we are trying to make a business deal. But when we are at home with our family and friends, we use the informal personality. Just like how we put on a professional and formal personality during a business meeting, we will use a business language. When we are at home and comfortable with your close ones, you use whatever informal language you like. Once again, I truly believe that type of language you use, all depends on the type of persona you have a given moment. In these circumstances is when men and women have the same language; situations where we have use different persona.

Signing out,
Events Dreamer

Week 7 Question 1: Can we ever stop with the judging?

At certain points in our life and with certain people we are able to perceive others without judging or categorizing them but this rarely happens because we as human beings have a lot of opinions and thoughts about many things. An example of this is when we receive information from a love one. We have no judgments about our love ones so therefore we freely receive any information and trust that it's good. Whether or not we judge or categorize the received information is something different. But I guess someone can argue that there is a judgment and categorization on our love ones; only the good ones. But I do have the ability to look at my friends and not have any category for them or any kind of judgment, they are just human beings trying to live out a good life like I am. I guess it's only the good thoughts that I have about them. Is that also a judgment even if it's good? If so, we my conclusion is that we can NEVER be able to perceive others w/o judging.

With a majority of people or media that we listen to, we almost always perceive it with judgment and categorization. For me, I must admit that I do tend to have immediate thoughts and opinions regarding new people I've met. Their first impressions always stick with me and from then on, I would remember them by how they presented themselves during our first meeting. I wouldn't really call it judging because I am not making a specific assumption about them, it's more like a feeling of dislike or like, comfort or discomfort that I may have with them. Most people tend to have judgments on topics based on how their past experiences and how they were raised. I do believe that people live through the eyes of their experiences and knowledge and they categorize things accordingly. I myself categorize the people in my life as close friends or just acquaintances. I also do this with certain topics as well. Since we cannot always perceive things without judgments, I think a fair way of perceiving things is with understanding and empathy. If we receive things with a conscious decision to try and understand the perspective, we can effectively receive the message. Without understanding and biasness, we would only make a fool out of ourselves and mistakenly have false knowledge. Once we can make a conscious decision of trying to understand and empathize with the topic, we can make a clear, educational, and knowledgeable opinion regarding the topic. I'm going to try and do this myself as well.


Signing out,

Events Dreamer