I believe the most difficult to change is the rigid complementarity and the consequences of this pattern can be very damaging to a relationship. In a complementary pattern, one partner takes the one-up position and the other takes the one-down. This means that there's always the partner that makes the decision and control the relationship while the others submit and agrees.
This is hard to change because sometimes, the relationship develops this pattern because of the personality type of the individuals in the relationship and personalities are difficult to alter.
Imagine a romantic relationship where the girl is the dominant one in a romantic relationship and the guy is always the submissive one. He always agrees with what she wants to do and gives in his desires to follow her decisions. I feel that if this pattern lasts for a long time, he will soon resent the relationship from preventing him to do what he wants. Then even when he wants to change the pattern, the girl has already established that dominance and it will be hard for her to step down and let him take the lead. The girl in the relationship is so used to being the leader that it is going to be difficult for her to let go of control. I believe that there should always be a balance of who takes the one-up in a relationship. To fix prevent resentment, I believe it's best to take turn in having the one-up position in a complementary pattern.
I believe that the most damaging pattern to a relationship is the competitive symmetry. Since in this pattern, partners are constantly fighting for the lead, it will create resentment, jealously, animosity and a competitive atmosphere rather than a loving and friendly relationship.
In my opinion, the most potentially damaging pattern to the self-esteem is the submissive symmetry. The submissive symmetry is when both partners are gives up their desire for the other partner to take the lead. I know that if I always give up my desires and what I want for the other to take the lead, I eventually feel that I am not worthy enough to take the lead myself. This pattern is damaging to my self-esteem if I can't think highly of myself that rather I am always thinking that other people should take the lead. Sometimes being too submissive discredit and devalue an individual's potential.
To prevent all negative impact of these patterns, one must have balance.
Signing out,
Events Dreamer
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Hi EventsDreamer:
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you stated about the most damaging relationship pattern to a relationship is the “competitive symmetry.” According to Sarah Trenholm, “In competitive symmetry, both members fight for the up-position. Although there are times when competition can encourage both members to do their best, in typical relationships this pattern can be stressful and frustrating and can take its toll on the patience of the partners” (Trenholm 2008, pg. 148). I can see where this is very tiresome for both partners to have to have the last word in any situation. In addition, it can be very frustrating to both partners as well, as there will be no closure to an argument. Like you mentioned, it will create jealousy, animosity, and a competitive atmosphere rather than a loving and friendly relationship.
Hi EventsDreamer:
ReplyDeleteI agree with you when you say, "that the most damaging pattern to a relationship is the competitive symmetry." I think that being competitive in a relationship is not healthy at all simply because there is constant jealousy and a want to be better than a person. A relationship needs to have equality. When you go into a relationship, you need to know what you're going into and whether or not you want to be involved in a long term commitment. Goals and being competitive in my opinion are different things because two artists can be in a relationship but jealousy gets in the way when one artist thinks that he or she is better than the other. That will only make the relationship worse.
Hi Friend!
ReplyDeleteI like what you wrote in your post and I definitely agree with everything you said. I've witnessed first hand how hard it is to change your ways once you've set them. One of my friends was in a relationship where she was the dominant one and her boyfriend was very submissive. She ended up resenting the fact that she always had to make decisions and he ended up with a destroyed sense of self because he basically gave up his wants and needs thinking that he was pleasing her. It was a big mess that was impossible for them to fix. It's very damaging to let yourself remain stagnant in a one-up/one-down relationship.
I too agree with what you said about rigid complimentary. I argued that submissive symmetry was damaging because of the failure of anyone to step up to the plate and take control. This too can be a frustrating situation. However the scenario you pointed out can be just as frustrating and borderline abusive. Many abusive relationships take on that kind of rigid complimentary and can damage one's self esteem. You made excellent points and made me re-examine my own thoughts on the subject!
ReplyDeleteI like how you noted how much importance there really is in balancing a relationship. I personally think it is the #1 important thing in a relationship, whether it be balance with time spent together or apart, balance with your own and each others feelings, activities, and hobbies. The symmetry of a relationship is at the very core because it is often decided from the beginning. One partner will usually default right from the start into the stronger/weaker one and sometimes this works out as a complimentary symmetry where both couples are satisfied with their position. Other times, it may work out only for a bit and then fall into a patter or competitive symmetry or submissive symmetry.
ReplyDelete