According to Steve Duck (as cited in Sarah Trenholm) we use filters to judge how close to others we want to become. I can totally relate to this theory because throughout life, we meet a lot of people but over time, we learn which of these people will become our close intimate friends. I have many filters that I use to consider people as potential romantic partners and close friends. Just romantic partners alone, I judge the men based on their intellect and the ability to hold a sophisticated conversation. After that, I make sure that the individual is family and goal oriented. After that, it's based on a series of characteristics that I look for to consider taken it to the next step with them. Duck's filtering theory makes complete sense to me because we all do this in life as we meet new people. We test the waters to see if they are a good fit for us in life or not.
Steve Duck identifies 4 filters that he theorize people use; sociological or incidental cues, pre-interaction cues, interaction, and finally, the cognitive cues. I have used the sociological or incidental cues to consider my relationship with them. Sociological or incidental cues are the demographic or environmental factors that determine the probability of contact. I have decided not to continue a relationship with someone because they live so far away from. I felt that the relationship wouldn't be successful or beneficial, so I ended it. I also have filtered people using the pre-interaction cues which are the physical beauty, artifacts, and nonverbal behaviors. I must admit, the pre-interaction cues are sometimes shallow but I believe that you can't start a relationship with someone if you are not attracted to them. Finally the interaction cues are the initial contact and the cognitive cues, the values and attitudes and beliefs, have helped me filtered the many possibilities into one perfect person for my current romantic partner. I went through this filtering system without even knowing it.
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EventsDreamer
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Hi there,
ReplyDeleteYour post was detailed and you hit on every possible that you could. My opinion is that pre-interaction cues are not shallow as long as one is not being critical of another person. For instance, if we see somebody at school that we are interested in looks wise, but they happen to have bad hygiene; We will not communicate that aspect to that person, but we will also usually not pursue that person for a relationship.
I also like when you said that, "I went through this filtering without even knowing it." It is part of our human genetic code to weed out those potential mates that we are not interested by using the filters that appeal to us and that matter to us, so it is no surprise that we already have an agenda when we are interested in relationships.
Men and women differ somewhat when weeding out romantic partners, but I do believe that both genders have similar cues when judging people.
I understand how you could think that preinteraction cues are sometimes shallow. I think the important thing to remember is that preference varies between individuals. So choosing someone based on their nonverbal cues such as dress or physical beauty isn't a bad thing because beauty is relative to the person. I know you agree that attraction is key to pursuing anything.
ReplyDeleteI like when we realize later that we're doing something without knowing it. Looking back at picking romantic partners, or even friends, is easy to see how we let people in based on their looks, beliefs, goals and etc.
I found your blog interesting in evaluating Duck's theory about how we hold filters to people in how close we want people to become with us. One of the factors I always wondered about is the conflict when people want to bring people close into their life but, the other person is not ready to become as close as you would like your relationship to become. I have seen this and at times experienced this type of filter. The give and take relationship of two individuals is really interesting in how two people manage their roles they have for each other. The stages are interesting how the relationships evolve when the two people have different ideals in how close they view their relationship.
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